Chica where's my map? Where's my map? Chica come on You wing 'em One, two, three Peter, Paul, and Mary What can you do with a car? What can you do with a car? Chica What can you do with a car? So you see, right? You see what I'm talking about? If you have a car you get... Respecc. You get lots of respecc. You can do anything for everybody.
You can do people favors. You can give'em rides And then also like Okay, this is a more important thing like sure respect is whatever and you can go up to like... I dunno... Bakersfield, if you want to go up there and die.
You can go to San Diego if you want to get swarmed at Comic-Con Oxnard, I didn't- didn't even know there was a city... And the most insane thing in my mind Is the nearest Cracker Barrel to where I live in LA, is four and a half hours away in Las Vegas. But if I got a new vehicle that can take me the distance that I need to go, I can take Chica and we can go to Cracker Barrel whenever we want! We can just go right.... We can just go! Right?! Cool! But not only that like things change *Attempt #1* *Attempt #2* When you have everything that you need, you can go pretty much everywhere so long as you have a vehicle right? So what do we need to do? We need to get a car yeah okay Coooool *brosqueak* So all this adds up to something that we know how to do All this is spelling out something very simple something that we already know We don't know how to do this So to get the answers that we need to know, we need to call on the one person that does know exactly what to do What we're going to be doing what we're doing.
Here we are to do-what we're-he knows how to do- Tyler He used to be a car salesman before he came out to L.A. So if i call him he will know what to do. He's a good man always reliable trustworthy always there for you. Tyler! Tyler: Yeah? Where'd you-where's your face? Tyler: Uh, i'm driving out of a parking garage right now Oh.....
Are you busy today? Tyler: I mean kind of but I can, hold on let me pull over cuz i got this thing very urgent thing had this whole life changing like conversation with myself about Tyler: Alright
yeah about how The only thing i need is a new car and uhhh.. The only thing I need is help doing that so if you're busy that's kind of like explosively detrimental to my cause Oh hi hi
Tyler: Hi there yeah Tyler: The funniest thing is, it came through audio-wise in the car so I didn't realize this was a Face Time call. I thought you were just calling me on the phone No, no i would never do that. Yeah, so uhhh you're not like going to a convention today are you? Tyler: Uhhh sort of Fuck.
Alright, so we gotta go with plan-B. Tyler's out so What's the next best thing? Tyler what's the next best thing? The next best thing for what? For getting a car. If you're not available I don't know how to do that on my own Tyler: I mean, if you're looking to get a new car the first thing you do anyway is research based upon what you need/want I want respect Tyler: Uhh that sounds like you need..... I don't know how to get that with a car Well then wha....
What... Alright fine bomb! Am on mah own so I guess we're on our own How do we get a car that can give me respect respect attractive older W/M seeking attractive female girlfriend roommate so Tyler's no help at all we knew that from the get-go We got to go on our own so Dealerships are fine and dandy but if we don't have a car how do we get to a dealership maybe Amy could get us around *awkward await* *Sarude - Dankstromae enters the motion* Fuck, she's not there we have We have-- if we think about like exactly what we need then everything else falls into place Right, so take for example like what does a car give to you? Car gives you mobility. Mobility. *Trippy* You can haul, you can haul...
You know like, u-haul, put me haul, we haul Cracker Barrel? Cracker Barrel. Respecc. Of course, thank you. Okay, for mobility it only really needs wheels.
For hauling you need like a lot of cargo space for cracker barrel you need... ..Wheels. For respect you need size. Everyone knows that the bigger you are *MLG pen cap* Hey, pay attention.
Everyone knows the bigger you are the more respect you have it's like it's like a factor of like dominance or something in testosterone like monkey shit if you're bigger like you get more respect it's why cats spread out real far, why peacocks have a big'ole tail That's why I have the biggest head in the world. *Realization* What's the biggest vehicle that we got? A semi-truck right? No it's that land crawl if it takes space parts to The lawn pad that's the biggest vehicle. But i don't think i can get a license for that You need a specialized in for a semi too - i could do a pickup truck but i don't want to be a douche actually it's a fact in in Los Angeles if you have a pickup truck I know this from experience if you have a pickup truck you have To pay an extra fee if the back is uncovered because it's classified as a work vehicle and not a regular vehicle So if you're gonna have a truck and you're gonna cover it anyway why not have a van? *Ding ding ding winning question* anyone in... The L.A area...
Selling... A van. They don't take that seriously?! My fans know I don't goof'em right? I didn't say oh wait van listen it's not suspicious I didn't they didn't ask me why i need a van... I just need a van! A white would a white one Why do they say i could not say a white one why is everyone Everyone's assuming I said a white van I didn't say a white van.
What was so scary about a van? Are they scared of how much respect i'll have a minivan no that's not even a van minivans no! Someone tried to build this shower in this one 120,000 miles It's four wheel drive which is handy for when we go off road hunting Bigfoot or whatever or go to a Cracker Barrel that's really off the beaten path Hup! Hop! *Motherly instinct baps* Comeon! Hop! Hop!.. There we go... Wha'dya think of this? It's pretty good it's got a lot of miles on it but it's really cool it's got like wood paneling on the sides it's got a wooden floor it's got like a seat/bed in the back and a lot of storage space if it runs well that was gonna be pretty good right chica yeah get your leash we gotta go We gotta go Chica! We gotta go She's, so much for accommodating a dog so how long you been driving uber?
- Only six months Yeah? Six months?
- Yeah. Because i can't afford to pay my bill that's a good reason - Alla those seat easy go-get there - Oh am sorry me ah you know I can get here easy
(note: I can't decipher his accent) You, see?
-No, you see.
You get to sleep, I need to get out of levy. Thank you -thank you, five star Hi this is uh Mark. Umm... The guy who interested in the van.
Oooohh ah that looks so cool. -It's a lil' dusty
That's understandable Chica y'wanna hap up? No, she's scared come a hoppy bub pop it. Good girl. It starts which is better than th-- I bought the thing when it had uh...
A 172. Have you ever went crazy on the road?
-Yeah. Where'd you go to?
- Anywhere from baja, to all the way up to northern california Wow Never done that, never had the chance like just take a road trip go out see the world. - No.
Like uh... If you like go on a solo trip for a couple months and you did that outta air Yeah?
- And pretty much learn all shit by yourself yeah, what's your DM like an Instagram or something - Uh - horrocks cor underscore are okay? Are okay. *Cousin intensifies* I Think I want it.
- Yeah? Yeah no I really do Seriously this is the one. We're gonna be able to travel to Cracker Barrel and get chicken and dumplings and buy knick-knacks at Cracker Barrel and get respect that's another thing *brosqueak* thanks you're always here for me, thank you.
There you have it? We got a van. That was easier than I thought.
Who needs Tyler? Yeah. I bought a van all by myself. I mean, you helped but...
It was mostly me. I was doing the talking there. There's only one thing left to do after this... And you know what that is.
*Sick montage time* WE GOT A VAAAAAAAAN! WOOOO! It's alright, Chica. Good girl. We got a van! WE GOT A VAN, BUPPY! UP! UP, UP! UP! Good girl, good girl. Okay, wow.
We did it, we got a van. We didn't need anybody's help. No Tyler, no nothin' You were of great help though. Thank you so much and now we can do whatever we want we can go around L.A, we can help people, we can take road trips, we can go camping, we can just do..
Mundane bullshit It doesn't really matter... But thanks for being there for me So what should we do next? I-..I don't even know at this point I've got so many ideas but maybe I could get your help from it? And I think it's only fair that you get to name the van it was kind of your idea after all so What do you think? I was thinking like, "Shamu," or "Gwendolyn," or- or "Bertha," but I dunno. If you got an idea, let me know and thanks again. See you tomorrow Buh bye! *Brosqueak*.
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